Happiness Is...

They give us a reason to smile, roll our eyes, laugh and hope everyday.

Life With Cancer

The pendulum of Cancer swings widely. There is frustration, worry and anger in full force one moment and gratitude, hope and determination in the next. Somewhere in the middle is exhaustion. That is where we hang much of the time. Life is tiring right now. Physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. I am tired.
And yet.
We find that each minute continues to arrive and some days it seems that I fill them just trying to reach the next. Certainly they add up and another day comes. I try not to feel like life is something to be wished away...but some of these days...I just want them to be over.
What life with cancer does do...in between the rest of it...is serve as a reminder of what matters. The little moments that catch us off guard. When we find ourselves laughing like there isn't any reason not to. Those are times that are so cherished.

I read a wonderful book that a friend bought me soon after Jon's diagnosis; The Divine Signature. In it there are so many examples of people who faithfully and courageously dealt with often heartbreaking and shocking trials. it is immensely inspiring and full of perspective. It reminds us to see God's hand in all things and count our blessings through everything. He talks about the coincidences of life as divine intervention and to acknowledge it as such to become closer to God. One quote that stuck with me was a comment made by an older woman. She said the problem she saw with people these days is we expect life to be fair and easy. It rarely is. She said we need to adjust our expectations to be happy.

We can look for the reasons to be all consumed by this...or we can look for reasons why we are so blessed by the lessons we are learning, the crash course in the "tough stuff", the love and support around us that never ceases to amaze me. There is some sort of unique confidence that comes from saying "I have the flu. I have a husband with Cancer. I have two preschool children. I am eight months pregnant. I am so exhausted that I cannot will myself off the bed". And then I do. SOMEHOW I get through it. I turn to God in desperation and he gives me what I need. Sometimes in doses so small that I am back again 15 minutes later but I get through it. And I have faith that we will get through it all. Somehow...maybe 15 minutes at a time and maybe we will even find a reason to laugh.

Happy Easter

While reading the Easter story to Ben and Jacob this year Ben was very serious about it. He seemed to understand to a greater degree that this is more then a story...this really happened, for him! He listened intently and sadly as we read to him from a children's illustrated bible and he had many questions. As the topic turned into what our plans entailed for the weekend the topic of celebration came up. some of the things we do to celebrate the resurrection is to eat special food and receive some spring treats in an Easter basket. "where does the basket come from?" Ben looked at me sideways...
uhhhhh....
After sharing with him the miracle of Christ's resurrection, the blessing of eternal life and the great love and sacrifice of our savior...I felt uncomfortable shadowing this with a story of a big bunny. Is the celebration of Easter not enough without a chocolate toting rodent to make it more exciting for children? When he realizes the fictional nature of the origin of his basket will he too question to some degree the legitimacy of the resurrection? I told him the truth.
"mommy and daddy get you some treats and so do your grandparents. We pretend sometimes that the Easter Bunny brings them but that is just for fun". He looked at me like clearly he understood that bunnies do not bring baskets...not really, he only wanted to see what I would say.
I think fantasy, imagination, creativity and a thin hold on reality at times are exactly what makes childhood unique and magical. Certainly encouraging these elements are important but when there is a REAL story that vastly outweighs any that I could make up...I just didn't see the point of a bunny.

A Sunday Picture...

I was hoping to take a picture of the boys on the first Sunday of each month...our first attempt went...well... I think it is self explanatory.

Kissing Cousins

Jacob LOVES his baby cousin Onnika! He loves to hold her, feed her a bottle and talk about her a good portion of the time. He also seems to understand that a very similar little person will be joining our family soon. He, as we all are, is VERY excited. Jacob is going to be a wonderful big brother! (He has had a very good teacher!)