Dear Ella

When I was expecting Benjamin and Jacob I began to dream of their futures as soon as the life changing line began to form on the pregnancy test strip. I imagined dinky cars and soccer games, summer vacations, summer days at the beach, training wheels and a beautiful life in store for them.

When I was pregnant with you I had trouble envisioning what the future would look like. Our present life at that time took everything I had to get through it and under the weight of overwhelming exhaustion I had trouble imagining what tomorrow would look like much less be able to dream for your future.

In the middle of homeschooling our kindergarten student, packing and moving houses, coping with Jon's surgeries and the start of chemotherapy while wrangling a two year old...the nine months of pregnancy felt more like years, full of long, hard moments that stretched on and on.  I was already as tired mentally, emotionally and physically as one person could be while still standing upright; how would a newborn fit into all of this?! You were being born to a mother who had no more worry left to dole out however, and so my fear did not trump my pure happiness at the thought of a daughter.
When it simply felt like too much for one person to bear...I was reminded that I was not one...rather I was two. And so I forced sleep on myself and continued to nourish our body even when I barely had the energy left to chew.
You were hope.
In secret moments of despair, sadness and hopelessness when my optimistic and positive resolve cracked I could go to you.
There is nothing I love more than a baby. The thought of wispy hair, the weight of your little body, tiny toes and that smell...that perfect smell, could bring me out of the darkest places.
You would roll and kick at all the right times, in the moments I needed to be reminded that I believe in a God of miracles.

The moment I met my daughter is etched so clearly into my memory I can pull it up with the most vivid of recollection.
 You laid, just born on the bed in front of me with your eyes wide. You were silent and intense and stared at me while your skin turned from a soft grey hue to a bright pink. You never cried. You just lay there, confident with life. I thought you were so beautiful it was difficult to even blink away for a moment. The essence of who you are  was tangible, your spirit so big, this little body could barely contain you and I felt fear slip away.

This was a girl who could dream bigger than I ever could for her and more special than I ever dreamed she would be.

My Elizabeth Annabella Joy.
My darling girl, 
Happy birthday.

 

A June Birthday

She has a mop of beautiful yellow curls, a ready smile, an infectious, deep laugh, an easily broken heart, a tough exterior, ocean blue eyes, a presence that attracts attention wherever she goes,
She sleeps with 20 animals and books. she is loud, in charge, bossy, cuddly, sweet, emotional, chatty, independent.
and now... she is two!

May

May brought us lots of bike rides, a summer bucket list ; a zoo and camping, ice cream and a beech made the top of the list.

Jon and I took the boys on "dates". Ben wanted to go to the movie theater with Jon and Jacob  went to a "restra-naut" with me where we met Uncle Drew, Aunt Amanda, cousin Onnika, Grammie and Grandad and Great Grammie June who was here for a quick visit. They had chocolate covered marshmallows and cotton candy at this restaurant and so marshmallows and cotton candy is what Jake had for lunch!

Ben got a  loft bed to see if he REALLY wants his own room (which he claims). We put the loft bed on the third floor and let the boys have a "sleep over" in it on the weekend. Of course they sleep together every night but not with a movie, popcorn and tent making. They liked the pre sleep over festivities but 15 minutes after the lights were turned off we heard 4 little feet scurring back into their room and found them asleep in the same bed shortly afterwards. So the first sleep over went pretty much as expected and I think they will stay room mates for a while longer!

Outdoor soccer started at our church, the boys are having a blast! 

April

April finally brought some park weather! Jacob got a new bike and is so excited to ride it around the paths by our house.  We took Ben's training wheels off of his bike but he is very cautious with himself and any activity that holds risk is not one that is very willing to take...bike riding included. Hopefully we can convince him by summer time. His compromise is a bike that attatches to Jon's bike and he loves that. "Lets go zoomin'!" he asks often!

On the other end of the personality spectrum Ella is a fearless daredevil. She wants to go higher, faster and louder all the time! Ben has his work cut out for him keeping her safe!

Ben and Jacob are both very interested in a computer game called Mindcraft. They build villages and farms and can play interactively with one another. They can be found doing this most afternoons after their school work is done and Ella is napping. 

Ben and I are seeing how many novels we can read this spring and summer. So far we have read Charlotte's Web and have begun the little house series. We are looking forward to visiting the pioneer village in the coming weeks to revisit how the Ingles family lived. Jacob and Jon are reading the Magic treehouse books at bedtime and Jacob is enjoying those very much.

We sold our van this month because I am staying home during the day with my daycare. With one car the kids are learning the art of traveling without fighting, pinching, poking and irritating one another. So far...we are unsuccessful. A new van may be in our future sooner than planned!

The flowers are beginning to bloom which is always exciting. I hope I can keep Ella from pulling them ALL up. Just before Ella was born Gramma and the boys planted lots of flower bulbs around our front and back gardens. It is a gift that keeps on giving! Such a nice surprise to see them pop up every year!

March

March brought more snow but reassuring hints of spring after this long winter. We are more than ready for walks after dinner, mornings at the park, sidewalk chalk and bubbles. The kids have been watching too much TV and our house seams to be shrinking in space as this long season goes on so a big weekend of melting snow and warm (+3?) temperatures was all it took to have my little outdoors man outside for the day. Ben...doesn't go out until I force him to breath some fresh air unless there are double digits...like his Dad. 

Ben started Piano lessons and continues soccer. He is reading ferociously and loves when I read novels with him. We recently started Charlotte's web...one of my favorites!

Jacob is enjoying preschool and loves attending with his best friend Hannah. They are such a cute little pair. He is a busy boy...such a sweet and nurturing helper to his younger sister and my little daycare children.

Elizabeth is a busy little mini Mother. She bosses everyone around, has her finger wagging at someone all the time and there is not a lock or child gate that can keep her out. She climbed out of her crib this month. A milestone I was not looking forward to or ready for! Fortunately the simple doorknob is the only thing she has not yet mastered  so she can't escape her bedroom just yet. She has a great sense of humor and loves to laugh and wrestle with her brothers.

February

It's been a long winter! We are all so ready for spring to arrive! I feel like this season has been one long day... We have tried to make the best of it but with such cold temperatures we haven't been able to get outside too much which makes it hard for little bodies with lots of energy! The kids have been troopers though! They will be well rewarded with splash pads this summer! One exciting thing that happened this month was Uncle Andrew and Aunt Robyn got married. It was a small ceremony with immediate family because this spring they will have a larger wedding in the Dominican Republic. The kids acted as ring bearers and flower girl. They were awfully cute!

Ben is heavily into lego. He impressed us with his ability to focus so deeply on a set that he will spend 2 hours putting it together, only to take it all apart again and redo it! He got quite a few sets for Christmas and has been working away at those. He is such a sweet and kind boy. Always ready to help out and he is such a good brother. We have been reading different novels at night before bed and it is a time that I have looked forward to for a very long time! I love being able to pass on some of my favorite children's novels to him. He is such a handsome kid with a quick sense of humor and we are super proud of this guy!

Jacob got to see a zoo presentation recently with some exotic animals that fueled his already budding love of all creatures on four legs...or 2...or under a shell....or with no legs at all... He loves snakes and cats and dogs the most. He walks around "spot" on his pretend leash and when he is angry at one of us he yells "I am going to tell Spot to bite you!" and upon his apology "Spot wouldn't really bite"... he asks everyday when he can get a dog...and I tell him the minute he has his own house as a grown up man he can fill it with animals! Until then... an invisible zoo will have to suffice. This kid is the definition of cute. Everything he does is just...cute. You can't help but want to squeeze him as soon as he walks into the room. He loves to snuggle and remains a fan of Little Critter books and still loves his "baby".

Ella is...almost 2. In every way. She is feisty and loud and bossy and hilarious. She LOVES Barney the purple dinosaur and cheers and dances when she hears the intro music. She has also discovered Sharon Lois and Bram from retro You Tube videos and adores them! She is our most picky eater and some days I don't understand how she possibly eats enough to sustain her into the next but she has non stop energy. She is a little pip squeek with a big personality. She loves all things "girl" and has definite ideas about what she will and will not wear. Ella loves her babies and her new tea set. It is adorable watching her play like such a little...girl. We are all so crazy about her! She keeps us laughing, in kisses and on our toes.
***And there are more photo's of her because I was a better blogger when the boys were toddlers and much more photos were taken of them! Plus she has cuter outfits....