Input. Suggestions. Advice? Anyone?!

We have a lot on our plate right now. Obviously. Things can get stressful at times...very stressful. We have managed our way through it...except for one thing.

Food.

Feeding my family is the single most stressful thing in my life. I am at the verge of collapse where this is concerned.  I fight off tears of frustration every night around 4:30...because it is dinner time...AGAIN.
And we need to eat.

It was HARD initially to adjust to life with allergies...I am grateful now however because I know so much more about nutrition and sources, and ingredients. I know how to get a little creative and where to shop and how to budget (okay, not really...it just is what it is...) for the astronomical expense it is to accommodate specialty foods.

The limitations now however are growing past where my chef skills and imagination can accommodate. At the best of times, with every food available to me, I do not inherently enjoy being in the kitchen. I don't like the preciseness of baking and the waste that goes into my "experiments" with swapped ingredients. Before all of THIS I would transfer something from the freezer into the oven and call it "cooking dinner"....maybe a can of green beans if I were feeling especially health inclined.
We've come a long way baby!

But the road ends here.
I need help.
!!!!!!!

What we cannot eat. (and a little bit of why...)

Peanuts.
*Ben is seriously allergic to peanuts. His level is off the chart. We bring no peanuts into our home, we buy no product that has a "may contain" warning on it and we never eat them ourselves.

Peas.
*a cousin to the peanut. 

Treenuts.
*see peanuts- He CAN have all seeds (sunflower in moderation) and coconut)

Eggs.
*This is the one I would chose to bring back if I could. We hoped Ben would have outgrown his allergy to these as is common by age 4-5 but he has not. We used to not cook them in the house at all and after attempting to last month again both of his eyes swelled and we have reinstated the no eggs in the house agreement.

Wheat.
Though Ben's skin testing showed a negative immune response to wheat we finally noticed that when he ate it...even a small amount, his asthma flared. When he didn't eat wheat, he was fine. Jacob gets a rash all over his mouth if he even has a few bites of wheat. I am itchy, rashy and addicted to bagels most of the time. After reading more about modern wheat (not even close to what our ancestors would recognize) and the health impacts of it, I am more inclined to think it isn't really fit for anyone to eat, allergy or not. Wheat Belly is a great read on this topic. Considering that most wheat is consumed through empty calorie foods like white bread, pasta's, crackers, waffles etc the nutrients have been stripped and then added back chemically (or "enriched") along with a lot of other unpronounceables on the label...preservatives, artificial flavors, stabilizers...nothing you would ever find naturally occurring in a carrot for example. I really want to get away from the "white stuff".

Dairy.
Both Ben and Jacob are intolerant to dairy, both lactose and casein. Jon and I are too...to varying degrees (though I force feed myself ice cream daily...it is interesting that the foods you crave most are often the ones most damaging to the body. To say it simply, the hormones released to counteract ingesting something the body doesn't like can also trigger dopamine release which feels good...so you actually want to eat more of it, even if you KNOW it is bad for you...ie...ice cream.) Not to mention that dairy is acid forming, which creates an environment rich for cancer growth. The body actually uses calcium to reduce acidity so even though many people drink dairy for calcium, they may come away robbed because their body used it (and maybe more )simply to metabolize and balance itself as a result. There are better sources of natural calcium.
Jon has not been able to tolerate dairy at all since his surgery and we felt it best not to push it.

 Meat.
***  I am talking about factory farmed meat when I say "meat"...a grass fed, organic and hormone free cow is not the same thing as the hamburger patties from the grocery store. I do think that for a lot of people meat (high quality and in small quantities) has a place in the diet but in our case I do not.

Beyond the simple fact that I think meat is gross. I could not kill, skin and butcher any of the animals that are so pleasantly plastic wrapped on the grocer shelves...I also cannot watch the process so I feel like I have no business eating it either. That is probably the last point though...through my meat bias I would prepare and serve it to my family if I was persuaded in the least that it was doing them any amount of good. All I have found though in TRYING to find information to the contrary is that it does not.
The sources vary in exact numbers but people who consume (factory farmed) meat have 70-80% higher incidences of cancer. Iron is a common nutrient, easy to find and better digested elsewhere...other than that...diabetes, heart disease, cancer are all words commonly associated with "steak" unfortunately. Pork...well... if you want to be grossed out..consider this...
But what could be wrong with a little chicken? Likely, for most people not really a big deal and the best choice of the meat options but in fighting cancer there are different considerations I have learned. The most pressing is that meat uses up the two enzymes trypsin and chymotrypsin, which are critical to allowing the immune system to kill cancer cells. It also contributes to an acidic environment in the body.   Considering that Jon's genetics have played a large role in his cancer and considering my children share those genetics...removing this from our diets permanently seems like the only logical option.
And to answer "where will you get your protein from?"
..."The same place the cow got her's" I think it is funny that the main source of protein for a lot of people comes from a (huge) animal that was purely vegetarian and yet they struggle with the idea that they could be. I choose to bypass the cow:) All food from nature has protein in it, in varying degrees. Seeds and Greens are our main sources. I have not only been 95% vegetarian for the last year, I have also managed to grow a (large and healthy) baby while doing so...I have never counted protein grams and my hair...well never better. I am not worried about protein.

***Fish...we simply don't like it. Most water is polluted beyond what I would want in my body and mercury in any amount is something I want to stay far away from- essential fatty acids can be taken in capsule form and found in foods...again the benefits don't outweigh the risks for me.

Sugar.
Cancer eats glucose. It is counteractive to be doing cancer treatment while simultaneously eating the very food that helps it grow. Sugar is very damaging to the immune system and while chemotherapy is also weakening it greatly it is again counterproductive to bring it down further rather than build it up. It is a horrible thing really...and so addictive (I know...full fledged addict right here!) There is so much information available on the horrors of refined sugar but somehow my mind is blank when there is a pie to be eaten (with ice cream?!).

Cold foods.
Jon can't eat anything cold. It is a side effect of Chemo. It makes him feel like he is in anaphylactic shock and can't breath. Seriously.

***Disclaimer...
I wholeheatedly believe that people need to make the best choices for themselves. Likely that will be different for everyone. It is not a contest. Finding what is the right "right" for you is the key...that is what I am trying so hard to find out for my family. There are people who do not do well on a vegetarian diet, and there are people who seem to have immune systems stronger then sugar can attack. A lot of us probably fall into the middle. The way that we each weigh risk is different too- someone may say "life to me isn't worth living without XYZ" and that is legitimate too. I know sugar is bad for me and yet when it was just me, I choose to eat it anyway- because the enjoyment I found from sweets was worth it.  I am now choosing not to however because it stretches past me and I have different perspective now. To have my family be unwell and watch someone I love suffer is not something I am willing to accept. I want to support the heath of everyone in my family and so that choice is weighed differently now.

Goals.

1- My family will all eat the same thing. There is a unity in eating together. When one person is each eating something different it creates a distance at meal times, a headache for me and lack of support for the person unable to eat what another may be. Dining at restaurants, or homes of friends or family is pretty much out of the question (I don't blame you! I can't even feed us!!!!) so I try to make meal times as enjoyable as they can be here. And to make meals palatable enough that I could maybe one day host a meal here, to which I have great anxiety about and have not done for at least a year. Sad.Yes.

2- Make food that we enjoy, not just that we don't have a choice about. I don't want us to feel like we are being punished or this is some kind of sentence...I know from various bouts of healthy eating that when I am commited to putting the best things in my body I feel AMAZING and the food I used to crave does not appeal to me at all. But goji berries are gross.

3- To see a time where food does not comprise most of my thoughts, energy, emotion, stress, worry or finances.

4- Have a realistic budget. We can actually AFFORD about 1/3 of what I find it necessary to spend now. This has to change or food will put us into debt. The meal ideas need to be affordable with more natural than specialty ingredients.

5- Retrain our tastebuds. Right now "healthy food" doesn't taste as good as junk food because our tastes have become perverted. Moderation is a wonderful concept...if you can DO it. It seems like there are so many "sometimes" foods that feasibly can be enjoyed in moderation that is seems like they become "all the time food" as a result. A cookie here...a donut there...a little french fries, a burger? Maybe some chips...a small handful of candy, some pizza? The list goes on...and in moderation...it looks like I just ate a lot of crap...and in comparison, after all that a salad doesn't cut it. I know some people CAN do this...I/we are not those people. I have seen the systematic breakdown of Jacob. This was a boy who would eat a bowl of vegetables anytime, anywhere. He loved any fruit, would gobble a whole avocado and chug a green smoothie. But now...at the ripe old age of 2, he has been exposed to more "sometimes" foods and when presented with a good for him option he will shriek "Noooo! Jakey eat French fries!" ....he is developing a sweet tooth as well...this from the kid who would literally spit out something with refined sugar in it. It has been proof to me that poor eating is LEARNED. It isn't too late for him, and it certainly isn't too late for us.

6- Accept that the "rules" that apply to the general population do not apply to us. I find myself justifying less then the best choices because of how they compare to others. "Well a lot of kids eat hot dogs and chicken fingers everyday...at least mine just want toast and pumpkin butter..." ($7.00 a loaf...$16.99 a jar respectively...these are the only brands that are not made in a nut facility) "yes, they drank a lot of store bought juice today...but at least it isn't kool aid or sunny-d!" "Sure we didn't eat any greens today and ate a lot of boxed food...but at least it was organic and didn't come through a drive through window".  Justifying why making less then ideal choices is slowly putting us off course. It can always be worse...but that certainly doesn't make it the best.

7- Calm down. I get pretty hyper about food. I have a lot of anxiety about it. It seems like It has the potential to either make us chronically sick, pose life threatening risks to our kid and make me fat (oh yes, I have gained a lot of weight...as usual...this pregnancy and I am less than thrilled about it...thus...more stress).  The irony is of course the worse I feel about it...the more I seem to eat it...and no, not salads. Oh food issues I tell you...I have spares to share! But drowning them in a bowl of mint chocolate chip cookie dough each evening had been quietly holding them at bay...but it is time for a long term solution.

8- Toughen up.
I guilt feed a lot. I feel guilty when Ben is left out of something that he can't eat. I know that feeling of being different (ie the birthday party in 2nd grade where I sat in the corner while the cake was served because I couldn't eat it) an adult can suck it up...a 4 year old...it matters. If Ben is somewhere where he was left out of something, my issues crop up and I will try to make it up to him. I will let him eat things I otherwise wouldn't...make rice krispie treats and let him have candy because I feel bad. I buy Jon bagels and English muffin, chips and other otherwise nutritionally empty and damaging food because he can't eat ice cream...or BBQ hamburgers. Probably ever again.
I need to stop this. Sometimes things just are the way they are...and they are only negative if you make them so. My guilt is making it worse.

9-Get over it.
I would love to put a roast beef in the oven..serve it with creamy mashed potatoes and gravy and warm fresh buns. Whip up some cream and biscuits for strawberry shortcake and drown that cob of corn in butter and salt. I would love to try that  peanut butter ice cream cake recipe I saw in pinterest.  I think a bubbling, cheesy slow cooker lasagna would be a welcome relief at 5pm when I am far too tired to cook and no other relief is in sight. Better yet, I would love to take my family to a restaurant...where our kids eat free Monday through Thursday and there is a kids menu they can eat from. We have NEVER eaten at a restaurant off the menu as a family. Ever. Heck I would be happy with ordering pizza... We would love to be able to go to BBQ's and picnics and social events surrounding food without feeling like we aren't a gigantic burden and inconvenience.
But that is not our reality. The reality is for me, right now, is it is very isolating...trying to feed this family of mine. It is worse because I am so focused on wanting what I can't have. Waiting and wishing for things to be different. Allowing myself to dwell on what isn't.
"Happiness is wanting what you have".  I need to remember what I DO have and get over the rest.

PLAN B
You know what the biggest risk factor for all chronic illness is? Stress.
Maybe I could throw it all out the window and just stop worrying about it so much (with the non negotiable dairy, nuts and eggs of course). Kids eat candy...they have forever...There is a whole generation raised on wonder bread, cheez whiz, lunchables and fruit role ups. I know...I sat beside them for all of elementary school while I ate rice cakes and apple slices. Are they REALLY that bad off now as a result? Do I need to feel badly because I let my sons eat skiddles when I realized that, though they had a whole lot of other crap...they were nut, egg and dairy free? Did I potentially risk Jacob never eating another piece of broccoli again as a result? how do I find the balance? Is there one? What if they get sick, and I could have done better and I knew it...what do I tell myself then?
I just don't know. I really don't.



I would love to hear any thoughts on, my thoughts...perception (if you think I am wrong or too extreme on anything...tell me!) and ideas. I would love practical suggestions or ideas on any of my goals and any meal or snack idea that doesn't have any "avoid" foods in it. I know there are people who are so creative in the kitchen and just know what goes together. I am just not that person.

Here, as an idea is what a day could look like...

Breakfast- quinoa, flax seeds and vanilla and cinnamon.

Snack- green smoothie (greens, coconut milk, berries)

Lunch- Salad with mixed greens, vegetables, hemp seeds and nut free trail mix.

Snack- Apple and pumpkin butter

Dinner- vegetarian chilli, spaghetti sauce and  spaghetti, minestrone, stir fry, salads, (specific recipes for these things anyone?!)

Treats- date and coconut balls, vitamix coconut milk ice cream,  pumpkin butter and coconut squares, popcorn, oatmeal and date cookies... 


The supplements I have decided on are 
Vit B
Vit D
omega 3
Wheat grass
Calcium
curcummin

And apple cider vinegar a few times a week as well mixed with raw honey. Very high in potassium and a natural anti bacterial and anti fungal.

Okay. Now.... help?