To Remember....

I love the ages my children are at present the most....whatever age that may be at the time. Right now that is...now. Three years and ten months are hilarious, imaginative, verbal and goofy, curious and busy respectfully. They keep me on my toes and smiling. They will be I fear, like all the ages before these, fleeting however and there are some things I would like to remember.

Jacob loves to empty out the plastic dishes drawer. He puts the bowl between his teeth, clamps down so the bowl swings upwards, covering his face and then he flaps his arms out to the sides, up and down and bounces. He then throws the bowl to the side and repeats until he has gone through all the bowls. It is hilarious. Every time.

Ben's preschool teacher has a funny story about Ben to share at least once a week. He was playing with the puzzles (his favorite activity) and was very concentrated on the task. The education assistant noticed how hard he was working and said "Ben you are very patient". He said, his teacher told me, "No I am Mommy's little helper!". Yesturday she told me that after snack he wasn't very keen on putting his napkin in the garbage. She explained his responsibility to clean up after himself if he makes a mess. He put his head down and tucked his hands in his sleeves, looked up at her and said sadly "But what...if I didn't have any hands?" and poked his bottom lip out. She said at that cleverness, he won an escort to the garbage and she aided her poor little hand-less pupil in throwing out his napkin.

Ben uses random phrases of expressions that he picks up somewhat appropriately for the context but not very appropriate for his age. The two he uses most commonly that make us smile are "Oh, I see things are coming along well here". I have no idea where he heard that or why he keeps using it but it is always funny. As well if you ask him when something happened he will always say "about eight years ago".

Jacob is very verbal. He says "all done" "Mama" "Dada" Bye Bye" and something resembling "Ben". I think he says ball as well and shakes his head no but other than that he is not very interested in signing. He will copy my sign and smile to say yes to my request but rarely initiates it on his own. It is easier to understand his words thought when he signs them as well so I will keep pushing it...

Ben has an incredible imagination. He has a little "mouse" that pops up every now and then ahd he will be surprised suddenly and say "Oh hi mouse!" and hold out his seemingly empty hand with "Mouse". When we were baking cookies the other day (the same breakfast cookies...) he said "Oh mouse! He wants to help." and placed him on the counter. Later on when the cookies were cooling Ben said "Mouse wants to go in the jar with the cookies" and put him in. When he discovered the empty jar after I froze all the cookies he cried,
"Oh no! Mouse is lost in the cookie jar!"
"Well, there are worse things than being lost in a cookie jar!"
"No there is not! it is bad! I am not there."

On the same note he came over to me the other day and said "Mommy do you know I have beautiful eyes?"
(Yes...I did.)

Ben likes to play in Jacob's crib after we get him up from his nap. He plays "CD player" and pretends to press a button in the crib and inserts a pretend CD. He will then sing and dance and otherwise entertain us while I change Jacob. Today he put in a CD and then made these awful screeches and wailing noises. "UG! Ben what is that song?" He laughed and said "ohhhh sorry Mommy I put in the ugly CD! Don't worry we will break this one..." and then he pretended to open the tray and throw it hard on the floor.

There...my random moments recorded.

To Those I Love Most.

Around the time Ben turned two and his mom developed a fed up voice that previously had not been used in the direction of her sweet baby I heard a story that made me think.

This woman was gardening in the front of her house when she heard her oldest son call from the backyard.
"Pardon me?" she called back. Again the muffled voice repeated the request.
"I CAN'T HEAR YOU! COME OVER HERE!" She yelled back, growing increasingly frustrated.
At the third unintelligible request she lost her patience.
"GET OVER HERE IF YOU WANT TO TELL ME SOMETHING!" she yelled loudly into the backyard. Her face immediately reddened at the sight of her neighbor who popped his head over the fence next door. "um. I just wanted to know if you wanted your rake back..."
"Oh my goodness, I am sorry. I thought you were my son calling me."
She realized what a sad excuse that was for her nasty reply. Her son was more deserving of such a tone? Of course not. How often though, do we put upon those we love most to accept treatment we would never dole out to another.

I try to hear myself at times through my son's ears. I hope they hear the love in my voice when I speak to them. I hope they overhear me praising them to others, accepting compliments on their behalf and striving to keep a loving tone. I hope they hear the control in my wavering patience and the volume level kept low, even as it threatens to climb. I try very hard not to yell at my three year old, when he pinches his brother, empties the folded laundry onto the floor or brushes ketchup in his hair. I try to remember that when someone raises their voice to me, talks in a way that shows disrespect or impatience how I feel resentment, anger and defiance. Certainly not compliance and respect. Why then should I expect anything different from small children. And yet. I am not perfect. Sometimes I loose it. Sometimes I shout "JUST DO IT!... Sometimes the neighbors know "I AM NOT ASKING AGAIN!" and I suppose I really meant it, since now I am yelling... And then I feel smaller than the little boy in front of me, whose eyes just dropped to the ground and shoulders hunched over. I remember my friends neighbor, undeserving of such treatment and my little boy, one of the people I love most in the world, even more so undeserving.

I can whisper in his ear almost immediately after I abandoned self control over a ticking clock or a toothbrush in the toilet. "I am sorry I yelled". Of late he says "that scared me. and it hurt my feelings too". Then I feel smaller than his little brother too.

I have been thinking of that story more and more as my patience is tried as frequently. I can see how my tone, my voice and my body language can build them up and just as fast take us all down. Certainly they (including the one who dumped all the change from my purse down the furnace vent) deserve to hear only love from their Mother. I am striving to be more conscious of what they hear from me, I mean really hear.

Advent

I made an advent calender out of Mittens Gramma used to hold Christmas dinner cutlery in a couple of years ago. I was happy to put them to good use with some help from a cricut (and a generous friend) for the fabric numbers (don't look too closely...we worked on it until almost midnight and were so tired we forgot "16"). I put scrapbook paper on some wooden clothes pins and magnets on the other side. Each morning Noellie, our thoughtful Christmas elf leaves a small treat and materials for an activity or craft.
On December first (a sick day...) we received a Franklin Christmas book and DVD to watch. On day two we received some Christmas tree cutouts and paints to decorate them with.

It's Beginning to Look A lot Like Christmas...

We have a Christmas elf named Noelly. He leaves a gift on our doorstep December 1st to help get us ready for the season. We were very excited to hear his little knock after breakfast. Ben was thrilled to find a box full of Christmas books (including The Mitten...my personal favorite! How did he know?!) Cd's of Christmas carols and warm fleece winter 'jammies for some deserving boys. Jacob was thrilled that it came with some crinkly paper and a big ribbon. Aren't we lucky!

A Budding Assistant

When a craft inspiration hits me (more frequently lately) I usually wait until the boys are in bed to take it on. I have been making reusable snack bags out of fabric scraps recently though and it is project I can make in five to ten minutes. During a stolen moment when Ben was awake he was caught me and took a seat beside me, his fingers shaking with self control at trying his very best not to touch the buttons and peddles for fear he would be cast out of the kitchen. He was absolutely fascinated with the concept that a piece of simple cloth could be transformed into a bag with a few simple steps. My new assistant takes his jobs very seriously. Pressing the back stitch button, picking up cut thread and delivering to the garbage and finally the very important cheerleader. "WOW Mommy! You MADE a bag!" is just what I need to hear to motivate me to make another one- or ten.

Oh Christmas Tree

There is something about a real live Christmas tree and it's selection, care, commitment, uniqueness and dedication that makes it all the more meaningful. We chose it, water it, vacuum up after it (alot!) and in turn love it. I really really love my real live tree! (So does Jacob...he loves it so much he stripes half of it five times a day just so we can decorate it again and again...) And that smell... it is so wonderful! I look for excuses to leave the house just so I can be welcomed back with the scented welcome of our very own lopsided, bottom bare, balsam fir.

I think much of memory is associated with scent, or mine is anyway. One wiff of a certain perfume can bring an old friend to mind instantly. A warm apple pie can put you back in grandma's kitchen, cinnamon gum; in the backseat en route to church. A roasting turkey can throw a heap of holiday memories barreling down on you at once. I am hoping to create these memories for my "Littles" so these sense rich experiences can imprint a little more permanently in some way on their young minds.

I think Ben said it best when we were baking banana oat breakfast cookies and warming apple cider on the stove while we waited for them to bake.

"What's that smeeeeellll?" Ben questioned me under wrinkled eye brows.

"I don't know Ben, what does it smell like?"

"It smells like...love."

The Annual Christmas Picture

...We are still working on it...