Monday, October 12, 2015
August
We discovered a little gem this summer. A perfect little beach not a half hour from our house. Why we hadn't gone before baffles us now as we wake up early each Saturday to beat the crowd. Often we are there just as the dew is evaporating and the sand is freshly raked. We find the perfect spot on the grass, and enjoy our private spot only to turn around and discover the small field behind us filling up with blankets and picnic baskets. Matthew and I sit in the shade and watch the kids play. It is hard to think he will be filling a bucket with his own shovel next year! The rest of the month was full of markets and playgrounds, splash pads and even bowling- a first for everyone! As always we blinked and the summer was over...but it was a good one!
Sunday, August 23, 2015
Happy 8th Birthday Ben!
Dear Ben,
You are 8. In eight more years you will be ...driving?! No! It can't be.
But I admit that it is becoming more evident with each passing month that you are leaving a little bit of your defining "little" boy traits behind. On to big boy stuff... and big teeth and gangly limbs and more defined facial features, I can see glimpses of the kind of man you will be. Not only in your more defined jaw line and the feet that were actually two sizes bigger than I had estimated when they were measured at the shoe store but in your increasing patience, and insight and initiative and sense of humor and depth of thought. You interact with your little siblings some days with a responsible big brotherly leadership role with eye rolls at their sillyness and the wherewithal to pick up your baby brother and comfort him or give him a bottle. Other days you are the most silly of them all. I take these increasingly rare moments with more sustained perspective now as I see the glimpses at this cusp of changing childhood stages as a mix of who you were and who you are becoming.
You are concerned with doing the right thing, and doing it exactly right. It is no surprise that intricate lego sets with specific instructions and 1000 pieces are your favorite past time. You enjoy your circuit sets, mine craft and really any activity that involves creating anything. You have a list of inventions you will create when you are an inventor/engineer and I have no doubt you will be.
You are passionate about kung fu and practice diligently. It is your favorite night of the week. You are less passionate about the piano and the practicing we force you to do...but once you get playing we can see that it is rewarding to have such seemingly effortless skill. That effortless talent is something that is a blessing to you in most areas, but when you encounter something that offers an unsuspecting challenge you will not stop until you have mastered it. I admire many of these character qualities in you. You are so inquisitive and curious. You have good initiative and as serious as you can be, also love to laugh and have a fun loving side that is so endearing. Just as when you were a baby your face can go so quickly from the most serious of looks to a smile that lights up your whole face.
You have started to drop my hand in public, resist kisses and go limp when I hug you. This is part of growing up I suppose. But it is hard on your mom who remembers a time not so long ago when I couldn't be out of your toddler reach for even a moment. I am comforted though when I find little love notes on my bedside table with a wilted flower saved in a warm pocket all day just for me from my biggest boy.
I told you recently that no one in the whole world could ever love you as much as your mother. You said "really?!".
Oh yes. Really.
I love you, and I am so proud of you.
Happy birthday Benny!
I love every inch of you and every moment of being your mother.
Mommy xoxo
You are 8. In eight more years you will be ...driving?! No! It can't be.
But I admit that it is becoming more evident with each passing month that you are leaving a little bit of your defining "little" boy traits behind. On to big boy stuff... and big teeth and gangly limbs and more defined facial features, I can see glimpses of the kind of man you will be. Not only in your more defined jaw line and the feet that were actually two sizes bigger than I had estimated when they were measured at the shoe store but in your increasing patience, and insight and initiative and sense of humor and depth of thought. You interact with your little siblings some days with a responsible big brotherly leadership role with eye rolls at their sillyness and the wherewithal to pick up your baby brother and comfort him or give him a bottle. Other days you are the most silly of them all. I take these increasingly rare moments with more sustained perspective now as I see the glimpses at this cusp of changing childhood stages as a mix of who you were and who you are becoming.
You are concerned with doing the right thing, and doing it exactly right. It is no surprise that intricate lego sets with specific instructions and 1000 pieces are your favorite past time. You enjoy your circuit sets, mine craft and really any activity that involves creating anything. You have a list of inventions you will create when you are an inventor/engineer and I have no doubt you will be.
You are passionate about kung fu and practice diligently. It is your favorite night of the week. You are less passionate about the piano and the practicing we force you to do...but once you get playing we can see that it is rewarding to have such seemingly effortless skill. That effortless talent is something that is a blessing to you in most areas, but when you encounter something that offers an unsuspecting challenge you will not stop until you have mastered it. I admire many of these character qualities in you. You are so inquisitive and curious. You have good initiative and as serious as you can be, also love to laugh and have a fun loving side that is so endearing. Just as when you were a baby your face can go so quickly from the most serious of looks to a smile that lights up your whole face.
I told you recently that no one in the whole world could ever love you as much as your mother. You said "really?!".
Oh yes. Really.
I love you, and I am so proud of you.
Happy birthday Benny!
I love every inch of you and every moment of being your mother.
Mommy xoxo
Wednesday, July 22, 2015
She's Three!
Elizabeth! You are three! And what a three year old you are.
You are such a unique girl. Older than your years in so many ways and so very... three in others. It is hard to imagine that such a big person can fit in such a little package but there you are. In your pink and purple, sparkle and twirl.
You get up each morning knowing exactly what you want to wear and what you plan to do. You love to give orders and have a "job" to do. Helping me cook and bake are you favorite things to as well as help change and feed Matthew. Recently you discovered that you are very good at folding dish cloths into perfect squares and will declare after every feat that you master "Ya Ella!" and slide dramatically forward one on foot with two thumbs up. You are very theatrical in most everything. You are loud and bright with gigantic blue eyes and smile that lights up your face.
We adore you, so so much. Your brothers think you are just the best, and let you boss them around past the point I think is reasonable but they tend to let you go further. They give up their seats for you, let you go first, give you the last...whatever...help you, play with you and read to you. If they need a reminder you will yell at them "be gentle with your baby sister!!!".
You are lucky to have such love in your siblings. And in turn, you love your "guys" and mother them all. It is a sweet dynamic and one I know will mature as you all grow older but that I hope doesn't change too much.
You are, absolutely adorable. Wherever we go people always stop to notice you. It is hard to miss you, with those wild white curls and ready chatter for whomever will look your way. You are naturally bold and confident and sometimes cross the line. "MOVE IT!" you shouted to a dad at the playground with his young son in your little girl sassy voice that gets you to time out more often then not. "ELIZABETH"! I yelled... you quickly corrected yourself "I mean excuth me please" in your little falsetto...and then proceeded to shove him out of your path. Barely waist high, you don't seem to show much intimidation or caution when you have something (or someone) in your way. I am usually behind you, calling out apologies, met with startled and forgiving laughter from those not used to ...you.
When you are this cute, you get away with a lot...often too much. But really you are sweet and eager to please and desperate to be helpful and be treated like a big girl. When we are somewhere new, or you are outside of your comfort zone you can be very unsure until you have it all figured out. You will hang back with your head low, close to Mommy and fingers in your mouth. Wanting me to hold you but also not letting yourself quite allow it. The first time we went to the beach this year you were unsure of the sand...it took you 20 minutes of watching exactly what everyone else was doing before you took one careful step onto gritty ground. And then ten more to commit to the experience. Sure enough, given the time and patience to do it on your terms you were the most enthusiastic child at the beach. Pushed however...you will not attempt any further but refuse anything more to do with the situation you are unsure of. We have learned to let you go on your own, or you won't go at all.
I love seeing more of you unfold as you grow. I am so proud of you, I am so grateful for you and as your name suggests, you bring an immense amount of Joy to our family.
Happy Birthday our beautiful Ella.
I love you more than you could ever know. Mommy xoxo
You are such a unique girl. Older than your years in so many ways and so very... three in others. It is hard to imagine that such a big person can fit in such a little package but there you are. In your pink and purple, sparkle and twirl.
You get up each morning knowing exactly what you want to wear and what you plan to do. You love to give orders and have a "job" to do. Helping me cook and bake are you favorite things to as well as help change and feed Matthew. Recently you discovered that you are very good at folding dish cloths into perfect squares and will declare after every feat that you master "Ya Ella!" and slide dramatically forward one on foot with two thumbs up. You are very theatrical in most everything. You are loud and bright with gigantic blue eyes and smile that lights up your face.
We adore you, so so much. Your brothers think you are just the best, and let you boss them around past the point I think is reasonable but they tend to let you go further. They give up their seats for you, let you go first, give you the last...whatever...help you, play with you and read to you. If they need a reminder you will yell at them "be gentle with your baby sister!!!".
You are lucky to have such love in your siblings. And in turn, you love your "guys" and mother them all. It is a sweet dynamic and one I know will mature as you all grow older but that I hope doesn't change too much.
You are, absolutely adorable. Wherever we go people always stop to notice you. It is hard to miss you, with those wild white curls and ready chatter for whomever will look your way. You are naturally bold and confident and sometimes cross the line. "MOVE IT!" you shouted to a dad at the playground with his young son in your little girl sassy voice that gets you to time out more often then not. "ELIZABETH"! I yelled... you quickly corrected yourself "I mean excuth me please" in your little falsetto...and then proceeded to shove him out of your path. Barely waist high, you don't seem to show much intimidation or caution when you have something (or someone) in your way. I am usually behind you, calling out apologies, met with startled and forgiving laughter from those not used to ...you.
When you are this cute, you get away with a lot...often too much. But really you are sweet and eager to please and desperate to be helpful and be treated like a big girl. When we are somewhere new, or you are outside of your comfort zone you can be very unsure until you have it all figured out. You will hang back with your head low, close to Mommy and fingers in your mouth. Wanting me to hold you but also not letting yourself quite allow it. The first time we went to the beach this year you were unsure of the sand...it took you 20 minutes of watching exactly what everyone else was doing before you took one careful step onto gritty ground. And then ten more to commit to the experience. Sure enough, given the time and patience to do it on your terms you were the most enthusiastic child at the beach. Pushed however...you will not attempt any further but refuse anything more to do with the situation you are unsure of. We have learned to let you go on your own, or you won't go at all.
I love seeing more of you unfold as you grow. I am so proud of you, I am so grateful for you and as your name suggests, you bring an immense amount of Joy to our family.
Happy Birthday our beautiful Ella.
I love you more than you could ever know. Mommy xoxo
Tuesday, July 14, 2015
A Growing Baby
It has been so much fun falling in love with this little guy. He is so sweet! Matthew loves to be held and has started cooing and smiling at anyone he can make eye contact with. He is wearing 6 month clothes at 6 weeks old so it is no surprise that he enjoys eating! Bathtime is a hit, always with an audience and enthusiastic helpers! Jacob tells us daily "Mattie is EXACTLY the baby we wanted!!" We would all agree:)
Monday, June 8, 2015
Matthew Thomas
Dear Matthew,
You are here! It is remarkable how I tried to imagine you so often over the last ten months and wondered who you would look like, what colour hair you would have, how big you would be...only to hold you for the first time and just...know you. Somehow I knew you would have those gorgeous cheeks, those fat pouty, kissable lips, those wispy strands of fine hair, your long fingers and perfect toes, knee wrinkles and button nose. There you are. Like I have always known you, like you you have always been here. I can't imagine a time when you weren't here. I wouldn't want to.
What a beautiful gift you are to our family. Your sweet little spirit is quiet and undemanding. You eat and quietly sleep, with little smiles every now and then that light up your face and gives us a glimpse of the little boy bursting to come out. I love the weight of you on my chest and your little hiccups and sighs. You are patient and tolerant...until you aren't and then you show off your powerful little voice but you are easily calmed and love to be wrapped tightly against a warm body.
You have a big fan club already. Your brothers and sister think you are awfully special and love to hold you and kiss you. They are so compassionate and patient, doting and sweet with you. You are a lucky boy to be born into such love.
I am treasuring every minute of my days with a squishy little newborn baby. It is an exquisitely unique time where we just fall deeper in love . My heart lights up when you look at me, I can feel it stretching and growing just a little more to fit in...four. And you fit my beautiful boy, just perfectly.
Welcome to our family. We are so glad to have you!
Love Mommy.
xoxo
You are here! It is remarkable how I tried to imagine you so often over the last ten months and wondered who you would look like, what colour hair you would have, how big you would be...only to hold you for the first time and just...know you. Somehow I knew you would have those gorgeous cheeks, those fat pouty, kissable lips, those wispy strands of fine hair, your long fingers and perfect toes, knee wrinkles and button nose. There you are. Like I have always known you, like you you have always been here. I can't imagine a time when you weren't here. I wouldn't want to.
What a beautiful gift you are to our family. Your sweet little spirit is quiet and undemanding. You eat and quietly sleep, with little smiles every now and then that light up your face and gives us a glimpse of the little boy bursting to come out. I love the weight of you on my chest and your little hiccups and sighs. You are patient and tolerant...until you aren't and then you show off your powerful little voice but you are easily calmed and love to be wrapped tightly against a warm body.
You have a big fan club already. Your brothers and sister think you are awfully special and love to hold you and kiss you. They are so compassionate and patient, doting and sweet with you. You are a lucky boy to be born into such love.
I am treasuring every minute of my days with a squishy little newborn baby. It is an exquisitely unique time where we just fall deeper in love . My heart lights up when you look at me, I can feel it stretching and growing just a little more to fit in...four. And you fit my beautiful boy, just perfectly.
Welcome to our family. We are so glad to have you!
Love Mommy.
xoxo
Thursday, May 7, 2015
May Countdown
Dear baby,
You are due to arrive in 14 days. You have two brothers and a sister who will tell you...every ten minutes if you care to be reminded. This is one excited family!
It still doesn't seem real somedays. We didn't think we would be so fortunate to have another baby in our family. When your dad was going through Chemotherapy almost three years ago we were told again and again that a significant side effect to the treatment would be that we would not have any more children. We have two little boys and a brand new daughter. We accepted that we were already very blessed and we needed him to be healthy again, whatever the cost. We had to accept the good and the bad.
And yet.
Someone was missing. You lingered in the back of our minds...I would accidently buy four of things I should be buying three of. Four Christmas stockings, four Easter baskets, I would take four children's plates out of the cupboard for lunch.... four just felt...right. I had dreams of a faceless baby with such familiarity that I knew it must be mine. I would wake with aching arms, missing someone. But I pushed these things out of my head. Your dad had also expressed regret that we would never again have a baby in our family as Ella became more and more independent and the dynamics of our family started to change. But I didn't want him to feel badly for something that he couldn't control. We were happy with the family we had...even if there was someone lingering...
One night Jacob asked me how babies come to families. I told him that God decides when people get babies. He asked if we could ask God for a baby.
I said we could, but God might be finished giving babies to our family, since we had already received three great ones.
He was insistent.
Your brother Jacob said the sweetest little prayer. This little four year old boy asked God if he could send us a baby. I was teary at the end, for the sweetness of it, for Jacobs nurturing and sensitive spirit, for fear of the disappointment he might face when I would tell him eventually that there would be no more babies and for the glimmer of hope that I couldn't quite help but feel.
Could I just allow myself a moment of memories? Of sentimental wistfulness? To think of the big moments when life is so clear and the purpose and meaning is laid in a swaddled bundle for the first time. The sinking weight of a new baby who lays all their trust on you, their innocence and possibility felt in the nine pounds on your chest. The full realization of love in its deepest form. The sweet smell of newness and a tiny clenched fist around your finger.... would we ever again be so lucky?
We could hope... Jacob and I.. Just for a moment.
God listens to four year olds. He hears sweet little prayers whispered before bed and is mindful of the hopeful, moist eyes of their mothers.
And God has bigger plans. Because even when Doctors said you wouldn't be...He said, you would.
Two weeks later, I was pregnant.
We could barely believe it, your dad and I. We were in shock for a good few months. I was reminded of the realities repeatedly over the toilet bowl but otherwise we would resort to a steady state of shock and gratefulness.
Seeing you on the ultrasound for the first time as a whole little person was an extra special Christmas present. We were so excited to learn we would be expecting another son to welcome in spring. We chose this time to tell your brothers and sister. To say they are excited is such an understed description of their anticipation
. Every day they talk about you, every day they rub and kiss my stomach. They talk to you and devour books about babies. Each day they ask if today will be the day!
Well now we are weeks away and our family is feeling complete as your presence is so much apart of our daily life. Your name means, of course... Gift of God.
And we believe you are.
We cannot wait to meet you!
Love Mommy
xoxo
You are due to arrive in 14 days. You have two brothers and a sister who will tell you...every ten minutes if you care to be reminded. This is one excited family!
It still doesn't seem real somedays. We didn't think we would be so fortunate to have another baby in our family. When your dad was going through Chemotherapy almost three years ago we were told again and again that a significant side effect to the treatment would be that we would not have any more children. We have two little boys and a brand new daughter. We accepted that we were already very blessed and we needed him to be healthy again, whatever the cost. We had to accept the good and the bad.
And yet.
Someone was missing. You lingered in the back of our minds...I would accidently buy four of things I should be buying three of. Four Christmas stockings, four Easter baskets, I would take four children's plates out of the cupboard for lunch.... four just felt...right. I had dreams of a faceless baby with such familiarity that I knew it must be mine. I would wake with aching arms, missing someone. But I pushed these things out of my head. Your dad had also expressed regret that we would never again have a baby in our family as Ella became more and more independent and the dynamics of our family started to change. But I didn't want him to feel badly for something that he couldn't control. We were happy with the family we had...even if there was someone lingering...
One night Jacob asked me how babies come to families. I told him that God decides when people get babies. He asked if we could ask God for a baby.
I said we could, but God might be finished giving babies to our family, since we had already received three great ones.
He was insistent.
Your brother Jacob said the sweetest little prayer. This little four year old boy asked God if he could send us a baby. I was teary at the end, for the sweetness of it, for Jacobs nurturing and sensitive spirit, for fear of the disappointment he might face when I would tell him eventually that there would be no more babies and for the glimmer of hope that I couldn't quite help but feel.
Could I just allow myself a moment of memories? Of sentimental wistfulness? To think of the big moments when life is so clear and the purpose and meaning is laid in a swaddled bundle for the first time. The sinking weight of a new baby who lays all their trust on you, their innocence and possibility felt in the nine pounds on your chest. The full realization of love in its deepest form. The sweet smell of newness and a tiny clenched fist around your finger.... would we ever again be so lucky?
We could hope... Jacob and I.. Just for a moment.
God listens to four year olds. He hears sweet little prayers whispered before bed and is mindful of the hopeful, moist eyes of their mothers.
And God has bigger plans. Because even when Doctors said you wouldn't be...He said, you would.
Two weeks later, I was pregnant.
We could barely believe it, your dad and I. We were in shock for a good few months. I was reminded of the realities repeatedly over the toilet bowl but otherwise we would resort to a steady state of shock and gratefulness.
Seeing you on the ultrasound for the first time as a whole little person was an extra special Christmas present. We were so excited to learn we would be expecting another son to welcome in spring. We chose this time to tell your brothers and sister. To say they are excited is such an understed description of their anticipation
Well now we are weeks away and our family is feeling complete as your presence is so much apart of our daily life. Your name means, of course... Gift of God.
And we believe you are.
We cannot wait to meet you!
Love Mommy
xoxo
Friday, March 6, 2015
Funny Girl
"Ella, you have hiccups, it will stop soon."
"I AM (hiccup) OKAY?!"
"Yes"
"OH! (hiccup) okay."
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