Happy Easter

While reading the Easter story to Ben and Jacob this year Ben was very serious about it. He seemed to understand to a greater degree that this is more then a story...this really happened, for him! He listened intently and sadly as we read to him from a children's illustrated bible and he had many questions. As the topic turned into what our plans entailed for the weekend the topic of celebration came up. some of the things we do to celebrate the resurrection is to eat special food and receive some spring treats in an Easter basket. "where does the basket come from?" Ben looked at me sideways...
uhhhhh....
After sharing with him the miracle of Christ's resurrection, the blessing of eternal life and the great love and sacrifice of our savior...I felt uncomfortable shadowing this with a story of a big bunny. Is the celebration of Easter not enough without a chocolate toting rodent to make it more exciting for children? When he realizes the fictional nature of the origin of his basket will he too question to some degree the legitimacy of the resurrection? I told him the truth.
"mommy and daddy get you some treats and so do your grandparents. We pretend sometimes that the Easter Bunny brings them but that is just for fun". He looked at me like clearly he understood that bunnies do not bring baskets...not really, he only wanted to see what I would say.
I think fantasy, imagination, creativity and a thin hold on reality at times are exactly what makes childhood unique and magical. Certainly encouraging these elements are important but when there is a REAL story that vastly outweighs any that I could make up...I just didn't see the point of a bunny.

A Sunday Picture...

I was hoping to take a picture of the boys on the first Sunday of each month...our first attempt went...well... I think it is self explanatory.

Kissing Cousins

Jacob LOVES his baby cousin Onnika! He loves to hold her, feed her a bottle and talk about her a good portion of the time. He also seems to understand that a very similar little person will be joining our family soon. He, as we all are, is VERY excited. Jacob is going to be a wonderful big brother! (He has had a very good teacher!)

28 weeks

Lets pretend that my mirror is not nearly this dirty...I knew how to turn my flash off and my face was in the picture...

Hello third trimester! Hello Heartburn and leg cramps. (Which after a first trimester of dry heaving and migraines...I am happy to be here! Funny thing, perspective...)

Assuredly after this photo was taken I could see that I am not AS big as I feel like I am. I FEEL gigantic. Now I know... I still have a long way to go. I hope this last trimester goes by as quickly as the second did. I can hardly imagine life with a new baby again...a little GIRL baby at that! And yet I can't remember a time when she hasn't been present in our life to some degree...lingering in the background. We have been expecting her for a long time. I felt her when I was pregnant with Ben and again with Jacob... It wasn't that I wanted a girl over a boy, I just really felt like there was a girl in our family...she has been named and been shopped for, for 5 years.
***This was the baby's closet in 2007...before we found out it was Ben coming first! (it would have made your head spin how fast that closet went from pink to blue...but I kept everything...and went through it all again when we were expecting Jacob!)

And finally...here she comes! We can't wait to meet this little girl!

Lately...

I don't want to forget these little moments that made me smile...

Ben- snuggling up to me on the couch with the blanket from his bed.
"Mommy...I am using my "orgidary" blanket. But I am not an Orgidary boy.
"oh no?"
"I am a..." He looks down sheepishly at the floor and stifles a smile "SUPER boy".

He is surprising me with the depth of his questions lately...mostly because I have to actually think now..or even look it up!
"Mommy, if there is no other route where a construction crew is working, where would they put the detour?" (and yet he pronounces it "orgidary" ha!)
"If gas is clear, what colour is diesel fuel

Ben is starting to read. He has some sight words that he knows, recognizes and can write all of his letters and numbers (except the number 2...and "S" he struggles with them horribly and I have to try not to laugh at his efforts because his frustration is very real, but also secretly makes me smile). He wants DESPERATELY to read which is the fire he needs to get himself there. I am thrilled with his enthusiasm. I have read to him from literally the day he was born, filled our home with hundreds of children's books and planned weekly library trips for years in hopes that I would have children who love to read. There is nothing you can't learn, no where you can't go and nothing better then getting caught up in a book!

Jacob is a nutty little dancer. He stomps and claps as he hops around...then he falls on the ground lifting a leg and shouting "Ta Daaaaa"!

he loves to be wrapped in a blanket and rocked in his rocking chair. He loves to be "my baby" he reminds me of this as we rock- "My Mommy baby?" he says in his sweet little falsetto. Always I say. Always.

Jon went to watch his Kung Fu class last week. He had brought the boys with him a few times when I was sick last winter and Jake remembers this vividly. Jon shut the door and Ben inquired where he went. Jacob, overhearing, ran back in the kitchen moments later with his little fire fighter rain boots squeezed on over his footed pajamas. "ME GO! ME GO! ME GO! ME GO DADDY!" It was a mix of hopeful desperation and I knew the face that would crumble when I broke him the news. "Daddy already left, just Daddy is going tonight". Sure enough, he crumbled to the ground, shoulders hung. The same little voice now wailing in defeat "Nooooo Meeeee Gooooo!" oh the heartbreak! It was truly pathetic. If we had another vehicle I would have actually driven him over myself I could barely stand it. But true to two year resiliency, some of his beloved Duck's antics on Little Bear and a bowl of grapes was enough to distract him.

I talked to Ben on the phone the other day. I didn't recognize his voice and realized that I had never spoken to him over the telephone before. It was strange. I had never been away from him so much to warrant a phone conversation in the past.

I sure am grateful for the happiness that little children bring to a family. They really do add a level of joy to our home that couldn't otherwise be had without every little bit of what they have to offer. These are hard times, but they are happy days.

Just A Baby...

When we told someone we were expecting our third baby last week we were met with a surprising response.
"Isn't it funny that with the first everything is so exciting, but by the third, it's just a baby"?
JUST a baby?! I disagreed with him and told him so. On the contrary, by the third baby I am more aware of what a baby MEANS.
I know what it feels like to finally hold a newborn on the magical day of their birth. I know what it means to snuggle, smell and love a brand new person. I understand more fully the miracle it is every single time a new baby makes their arrival. I know what being a mother means. I know the fullness of joy that comes with watching a baby learn and grow. I know how the heart stretches and pulls to accommodate all the love I need for three. I am aware of the absolute preciousness of a small baby, how close to God a new Mother is as she holds one of his little ones, fresh from his arms. I know how uniquely wonderful the love between siblings is. I know they have someone to love, protect and kick under the table for life. I know how my husband glows and I fall in love all over again as he looks into the eyes of our child for the first time and smiles to me.
I am confident that I know how to Mother my children. The third baby gets parents who finally knows what they are doing. I know that parenting small children can push and pull you every day. I am better for it. Grateful for the lessons they teach me about myself and life. I know how fleeting and awesome it all is. I remember to savor it now. I am privileged and blessed beyond words to experience the best that life holds all over again.
My third little one. She is a bright spot of joy in our life. She is already a part of our family. We talk about her daily and are anticipating her arrival. She is our hope for the future and a third reason to be positive, hopeful and faithful when life gets hard. Someone that has already done all this is hardly "just a baby", on the contrary she is a wonderful, amazing, miraculous baby. Though I believe, they all are.

Two Awesome Boys

Ben and Jake are by all accounts two great kids. I can take them anywhere and know that they will be well behaved, polite and obedient. They are kind, sweet, funny and smart. Everyday I wake up, I am still in shock that I get to call them mine. I have always been very proud of them but these last 6 months, with my difficult first trimester and then with Jon's illness they have really really amazed us.
They have their moments of course, where my face can turn a unique shade of purple and a few more strands of my hair lose pigment but then I remember that their mom is exhausted, lacking in patience, hormonal and losing more of her lap daily, their Dad has cancer, can't lift them, play or wrestle, their house is packed up, most of their toys trapped in boxes and their world...well, pretty much turned upside down. And then I am amazed again, that they don't act out ALL the time...because they are confused, angry, resentful or lacking the heaps of attention I wish we had to dole out right now. Instead they bounce back to being affectionate, entertained with a rope and a box and kind to each other. Jacob loves to help, Ben takes such good care of him, he is my second set of eyes and ears a lot of the time. They can tell when we need some quiet, when we need a hug and when we need a laugh. I am so proud of these two awesome boys!